This past week I flew back to my home town, Chicago AKA the land of deep dish and hot dogs! Trust me, I got my fill of Chicago-style food–um, have you met my parents before? And while I ate like royalty, it was all my food favorites I’ve had before and I felt a tang of sadness on the way to the airport realizing I had not ventured outside of my realm at all. I realized quickly I should cheer up. After all, I was heading to international foodie heaven, O’hare International Airport!
My parents dropped me off at the terminal and boy did I make my way through security like nobody’s business–I had business to take care of! I was in terminal 3–totally different from term 1 or 2. I made my way to my gate, found someone who didn’t look like a terrorist and asked them to watch my bag while I did some research!
I had successfully taken off and now I needed a place to land. There were a bunch of awesome little bodegas, but I opted to go to a real restaurant…and then I saw it: a big line of people! If there’s anything I know about food it’s that if there’s a whole bunch of people waiting to eat there, it’s gotta be good. Above the line, a urine-gold halo of arches: McDonald’s.
I really wasn’t familiar with the Scottish influence on Chicago culture besides my astonishment as a child that my friend Mary McCann could have two capital letters in her last name. It just didn’t seem fair. I stared at the menu for a while and when the waitress behind the counter yelled at me to “step up girl,” I did my little Step Up body roll dance move and took a sexy step closer to the counter. The Scottish woman asked: “Lady you gotta order or move” and so I quickly ordered whatever the guy in front of me ordered. The Scottish waitress rolled her eyes which I thought was a cool trick. I paid and then waited for my food!
“187!” a different Scottish person yelled. I ran up to grab my food and headed back to my gate. The person watching my bag must’ve had something really important to do because he was missing. He might’ve been kidnapped by a terrorist. I checked my carry-on for bombs because you should never leave your bags unattended in the airport, and as soon as I realized my hair dryer had not been rewired as an explosive I sat down to eat my food,
To my surpirse, the guy in front of me ordered a lot of food! A big bag of fries, a yummy looking double burger, and some fried marbles or something.
These nuggets were quite delicious and I knew I was in above my head because I could not figure out what I was eating! Probably something fancy and weird they make on Top Chef. Either way, the rubbery substance was seasoned and fried and why would I complain about that!
Next, the burger.
This double cheeseburger was one of the most marvelous concoctions of food I’ve ever had. With my first bite I knew immediately that this was farm to table cooking. The burger was most definitely kobe beef and the bun was the equivalent to to kobe beef but for bread. The use of ketchup was perfect and the cheese was directly imported from Scotland. I may have made that last fact up in my head but I think it’s true because where else would they get that cheese from. All cheese is made in Scotland. I may have made that one up too but I think it’s true. I went to college. Ok, I definitely made that one up.
After devouring that burger, it was time to see if I could stick my head in the bag.
I sniffed inside the bag for a good while until someone came up to me and asked me if I was “all right.” I replied that I can spot a terrorist from ten yards away, and that if I needed to make a gun I could make one out of my blow dryer. While I still had his attention, I grabbed a fist full of the fries and jammed them into my mouth to prove a point. What was cool was that later I realized he was the guy driving the plane and requested I not board his flight.
I’ve been stuck at the airport in a small room with no windows for I’m not even sure how long now. I missed my flight. People keep coming into ask me questions and I just keep repeating Abu Nazir’s lines from Homeland because that’s my favorite show. I’m so glad I had such a great meal to hold me over!
You gotta try this place! 5 stars. Ciao